Jenny

Hey, I haven’t wrote in here because we have fallen on hard times. My husband was laid off indefinetly because his auto plant shut down. The auto industry is doing horrible nowadays. I am not employed right now. Well we have no money coming in, we have bills piled high and getting higher. Shit about to be turned off and no money for gas, and no money to shop for food. And the economy right now is making it even harder. So, it’s kinda hard to be making a lifestyle change at this moment, but I am not using that as an excuse!! We just paid rent, so I had saved enough money from the previous check and added it to the next one to pay rent and have $ 70.00 left to fill our gas tank. Well we were watching a late night infomercial, and it was Tony Horton’s Ten Minute Trainer DVDs and resistance bands and plans and what not. It was like $65.00 for right now and then $40.00 in 30 days. So it was a whole lot of money. But it looked perfect for us. But my husband and I decided that if we didn’t get it at that moment, we would never do this. We both want to be thin, fit, and healthy. So after I almost had a heart attack about the price. I called and ordered it, after they try to trick you into buying and upgrading to other shit. I’m too wise to that shit, I’ve been scammed way too many times. Now, on the other hand; my Aunt gave us her treadmill that she bought and never used. So after it sat in my mother-in-law’s for about a year or so, I made the boys bring it over to my apartment. So I also have a treadmill now. Although there is no safety key magnet to start it. So I ordered that and am still waiting on that to be delivered. I also have no idea what I weigh because we don’t have a scale and probably can’t get one for a while, and my mother-in-law’s scale is 100 years old and the pointer thing that points to your weight is missing LOL. Well, we got the 10 minute trainer box delivered yesterday, but it was TWO boxes, full of the exact same things. Same tracking number and everything. So we figured it was a mistake. They sent two out by mistake, because why would they say 3 FREE gifts and then send us 6 FREE gifts (stupid gifts)?? So we decided we would call and cancel and keep one box, and return the other one and get our money refunded, because God knows we need it. So we did. So we paid $15.00 (S&H) for a $105.00 product. I think it’s because God knows we need to be healthy and we also need the money right now. So thank GOD! Well, my husband and I just did 1 10 minute all over body workout, and OMG we both almost died. It’s sooo hard. We were sweating and panting, but felt so good afterwards. We thought initially we could do 2 or 3 a day. Well…you know what, I don’t think our bodies can do that right now, we are BGEINNER-BEGINNERS. But we have made a decision to at least do one a day until we can do more. It felt really good. I’m excited. I really haven’t been able to eat better, just because we have to eat whatever’s in our house b/c we can’t afford food. So we been eating a lot of pancakes and ravioli and shit like that. Ugh. BUT, we drink LOTS of water, haha. We applied for food stamps and I am applying frantically all over the place to get a job, and hoping and praying my husband gets some kind of unemployment. (He wasn’t there very long, but consistently worked security jobs before that). It’s just stressful. Boo. Anyways, what sucks is we need that $65.00 bucks NOW, because our car is on empty and I can’t go anywhere…But I guess we’ll get it back in 2 weeks. LAME. We are really considering moving out to New Mexico where my sister just moved and got a really good job making a lot more money. We hate Michigan (I’m not from here but have spent a lot of time here), this state always finds a way to fuck us over. It’s a dump, a shithole, and I have ALWAYS hated it. I’m a country girl anyways. The Detroit suburbs…Mmm….not so much. We want to leave so bad, but then again, you need MONEY to get out !!! I hope better times fall on us soon. When we do get paychecks, we live check to check, and we don’t want that anymore. We want to actually live life, rather than sit home and watch tv b/c we an’t afford to do anything else. It’s BS, our son needs a better life, and we need a LIFE, and we want to look GOOD and be HEALTHY for our new life. So we are slowly doing this….it’s just harder considering. But I am trying. Well I guess I’ve pittied myself enough here, and updated yins as much as I can. But wow, it really does feel good writing about my progress and all this shit! Yay! See ya later!!

Hello. Real quick ABOUT ME: I am married to a wonderful man named Bryan that I love very much and have a beautiful 19 month old son named Chase who is my entire life and I love him with all my being! I am a stay at home Mom for right now. My family & best friend lives in Southern Ohio (where I’m from–The Valley), and it’s hard for me to be away from them so much and hardly ever having enough money to travel and see them and spend time there. But I am lucky enough to have a wonderful Mother-In-Law here and a second family here in Michigan. Now…I am serious about losing weight and feeling better about myself and being healthier. I was always a bit heavier than everyone else at any given age. Even at my thinnest I thought I was FAT and wore baggy clothes, but looking back I would die to be like that again. I am at my highest right now and it is getting ridiculous. My weight gain started when I moved to the city where fast food was more accessible and I wasn’t working on my farm or playing volleyball. I was 220 pounds when I got pregnant, which was still a lot and gained 55 lbs during my pregnancy. (My husband also gained a lot of weight during my pregnancy) After I had my son, all that weight stayed on me (and also a new disgusting “kangaroo pouch” I desperately want to get rid of) and I slowly gained a bit more. I wasn’t doing anything to prevent it, and when I would work-out or eat better it would last about a week or two and then I would fall back to my normal ways. I always somehow find an excuse or wait for the “right time”. I don’t know why. I am at home all the time, and I eat out of boredom and out of stress. I LOVE LOVE food. I love chocolate and all that bad stuff. I love to go out to eat. I come from an Italian family and we always ate A LOT of food—GOOD food. I was always taught to finish my plate. And still to this day, I hate wasting food that I PAY for. Exercise to my brain seems like so much work, but when I do exercise I feel wonderful and get a great feeling from it. I still don’t know why I can’t just do it and make it work and do it until I reach my goals. But I know that you have to have the right state of mind. You have to prepare yourself mentally and find that motivation. I have struggled with this weight thing so much and I feel like it has turned me into a completely different person. I hate to go out to bars with my friends, I don’t like to be social anymore, I am not out-going anymore. I am depressed. I see a photo of myself and it instantly ruins my entire day. I hate shopping for clothes because it’s almost traumatizing to me. I was at Cedar Point last year, when I had to get off a ride because the belt wouldn’t fit over me. It was horrible and it was embarrassing. I cried my eyes out and ruined the day for my husband Bryan. Somehow, I didn’t think and still think that I’m NOT THAT BIG. I feel like I’m really not, and I don’t look THAT BAD in front of the mirror. But then I see a photo someone took of me, and that all comes crashing down. I am HUGE and I can’t believe I really am, I can’t believe I really look like that, because I really didn’t think I did. This happens ALL THE TIME. I can’t be myself anymore, because I feel fat and ugly and I feel like everyone is always making fun of me or judging me. I feel like my husband is embarrassed of me. He says things to try and get me motivated, I know he’s not being mean, I know he thinks it will help. But it hurts, and it makes me feel like shit that I can’t get off my ass and just do it already. I just know that if I can bring myself to eat better and exercise and lose the weight, I will be a completely different person, be who I used to be. I want to do this for myself, but I also want to do it for my son and my husband. I want to see people and they just be amazed at how good I look. I know it’s going to be so hard. But if I don’t do something I will slowly gain more and more weight and be very unhealthy and possibly die. So I want to do this so bad. I am ready to do this. I just hope I can push through and make a lifestyle change that I can pass down to son and my husband. I don’t need to just lose weight, I need a complete lifestyle change. I found this place, and I hope to find motivation in others and their journeys. I see people with these amazing weight loss success stories and think to myself, If they can do it…I CAN! I pray for the will power and strength. I am so ready in my head. But my mind plays tricks on me and it always turns me back to my old ways. This time, I want to do this for real. I’m only 23 years old. I should be able to be self confident, buy cute clothes, have the energy to run and play with my son, and feel like I look sexy for my husband. I want to look GOOD in photos! I just want to be the old me. The fun happy out going girl. I’m a fat sad depressed person now. And I know for a fact, it’s because I’m a fat ass. I hope others can relate to me and give me their own inspiration and give me tips on how to do this and how they did it. I would appreciate it so much. The time is now. Right NOW. I’m sick of living like this! This isn’t me! I’m ready.